Rocky Horror Fy Style
by Ki-Chan1
Summary: Revamped and worse then ever, so grab yer garter belt and your favourite bishie and join me. Rated R for...um stuff.


The FushigiYuugi Picture Show  
  
Okee, kiddies I know I posted this a loooooooooooooooong time ago, but see my computer doesn't like me and well…things happened..long story short I'm revamping the story, fixing some typoes and other crap, and forcing it down your throats again. Hell, you're not forced to read this so any flames I get I shall giggle at. Because angry people always sound funny  
  
INTRO  
  
On the set, cast and crew members ran around frantically, trying desperately to find parts of costumes, memorizes lines, fix sets, adjust lighting and so on. A girl sat in a chair labeled "director", her eyes were blood shot and she vainly tried to hide the bags under her eyes with make- up. An older woman handed the girl a bottle of aspirin, which she gratefully took and swallowed several without water. "I hate my job...thank the gods this is the LAST day and this thing will be over soon." A young man with long blackish hair, wearing a robe and little else, stormed up to the director holding a small scrap of gold fabric in his hand, and baring a look of pure and utter disgust, "Excuse me!? But I'm suppose to wear -this- ?!" He thrust the fabric towards the girl's face, it was a small gold Speedo. The girls swallowed another aspirin before turning her head to glare at him, "That's you're costume. You're playing Rocky and that is what you wear."  
  
The actors face reddened, "But there's hardly any material! I can't wear this! I refuse!" And with an indignant huff, the disgruntled actor threw the Speedo on the floor  
  
" Look at it this way Hotohori-sama," the girl began with a growl to show that she was not in the mood for such arguments" ...wear that or else you can wear this..." With that she held up an even tinier gold thong and sang gleefully, "Let me see that thong th- thong thong, thong...get the picture?"  
  
O.O With a gulp, Hotohori grabbed Speedo, and hugged it tightly before turning his fearful look into a well practiced look of glee and rapture, "Ooh I just WUV my Speedo YES I DO!! So pretty! LALALA!!" and immediately scurried away before the director could change her mind and decide that thong would be better after all.  
  
"Okay people I only have half a bottle of aspirin left and two bottle of sake, so do it right the first time! Someone do the disclaimer please!"  
  
*DISCLAIMER THING*  
  
cause the Man says I have too….  
  
(CONTAINS MANY, MANY SPOILERS! Characters belong to Richard O'Brien and Yu Watase. Kireiga, no matter how hard she tries never has and never will own any of these characters. She will never be gifted enough to write this kinda of music either, the best she can do is rip off other peoples...she's a terrible person and will be arrested someday... u.u  
  
So please don't sue her, all she owns is a collection of stuffed penguins.  
  
Reviews Welcome  
  
Helpful Words o' Wisdom Appreciated  
  
Flames Used as Cheap Heating  
  
Praisers please send naked pictures)  
  
ON WITH THE DAMN SHOW!!  
  
  
  
"Yu Watase Picture Show/Opening" (NOTE: if it do be underlined, it do be a song ^_~)  
  
(Soi, dressed as an usherette):  
  
Miaka Yuki was there  
  
In Konan somewhere  
  
Being trapped in the world of a book  
  
And Yui Hongo's there too  
  
Feelin' quite blue  
  
But things aren't as bad as they look  
  
Then someone went wrong  
  
They were attacked in Konan  
  
And were saved by Tamahome  
  
Then before they could pay  
  
Yui-Chan went away  
  
And this is what the story says...  
  
  
  
Cross-fan-Fiction  
  
Double Feature  
  
Nuriko is  
  
A beautiful Creature  
  
See Kutou fighting  
  
Hotohori  
  
It's sure to be one  
  
Helluva story  
  
At the late night  
  
Yu Watase Picture Show  
  
  
  
I know Yui Hongo  
  
Was raped in Kotou  
  
Or at least that's what Nakago said  
  
And things really got hot  
  
When Yui started to plot  
  
A way to make Miaka now dead  
  
But it was a lie  
  
And that Nakago guy  
  
Was always screwing with Yui-Chan's head  
  
But when Taitsukun came, they all cowered pain  
  
Sickened by the site of her head  
  
At the....  
  
  
  
Cross-fan-Fiction  
  
Double Feature  
  
Nuriko is  
  
A beautiful Creature  
  
See Kutou fighting  
  
Hotohori  
  
It's sure to be one  
  
Helluva story  
  
At the late night  
  
Yu Watase Picture Show  
  
I wanna go-oh-oh  
  
To the Late night  
  
Yu Watase  
  
Picture show  
  
With Chiriko-oh-oh  
  
To the late night  
  
Yu Watase  
  
Picture show  
  
No da, you know oh-oh  
  
At the late night  
  
Yu Watase Picture Show  
  
(Scene changes to the exterior of a church, where a wedding has just taken place. Tatara, and Suzano have just gotten married. As the crowd is clearing out we see Tamahome and Miaka. Miaka is wiping her eyes with a tissue.)  
  
MIAKA: Oh Tamahome, wasn't it wonderful? Didn't Suzano look radiantly beautiful? I can't believe it, just an hour ago she was plain ol' Genbo no Miko, and now ....now she's Mrs. Tatara...o.o; or something like that, ne?  
  
TAMAHOME:Hai, Miaka-chan, Tatara's a lucky guy  
  
MIAKA: Hai  
  
TAMAHOME: ....  
  
MIAKA: ....dum-dee-dum...  
  
TAMAHOME:Say Miaka?  
  
MIAKA: Hai, Tamahome-kun?  
  
TAMAHOME:I really love the....Um tactless way...  
  
MIAKA: ...Nani?¬.¬  
  
TAMAHOME: You beat the other guests to the wedding buffet.  
  
"Miaka no Baka"  
  
(Tamahome does his thing and sings, Nyan Nyan's pop up for the backgrounds and chorus) TAMA:  
  
That lake was deep but I swam it  
  
NYAN NYAN:  
  
Janet  
  
MIAKA: (spoken) ... Janet?  
  
TAMA:  
  
'cause you said there's a big snake that ran it  
  
NYAN NYAN:  
  
Janet  
  
MIAKA: (spoken) Tamahome....?  
  
TAMA:  
  
Now don't tell me to can it  
  
NYAN NYAN:  
  
Janet  
  
MIAKA: (spoken)...Who's Janet?  
  
TAMA:  
  
I've one thing to say and that's Miaka no baka, aishiteru  
  
MIAKA: (Smiles and goes to kiss him, he dances away before she can) ...Grr ¬.¬  
  
TAMA:  
  
The road was long but I ran it  
  
NYAN NYAN:  
  
Janet  
  
MIAKA: (spoken) Tamahome, are you listening to me?!?  
  
TAMA:  
  
There was a tiger in your face and I tanned it  
  
NYAN NYAN:  
  
Janet  
  
MIAKA: (screaming) WHO'S JANET?!?!  
  
TAMA:  
  
If there's one fool for you then I am it  
  
NYAN NYAN:  
  
Janet!  
  
MIAKA: WAAAAAAH! .  
  
TAMA:  
  
There's one thing to say and that's.....Miaka no baka ^.^ aishiteru  
  
MIAKA: (sniffles) Really?  
  
TAMA:  
  
Here's the thing to prove that you're no miko  
  
There's seven warriors to find  
  
That's two plus Chiriko  
  
Me, Nuriko, Mitsukake, Tasuki too-ooh ooh  
  
MIAKA:  
  
Oh is nicer then Yui Hongo had  
  
NYAN NYAN:  
  
Too bad  
  
MIAKA:  
  
Now I'm the Priestess and I'm so glad  
  
NYAN NYAN:  
  
So glad  
  
MIAKA:  
  
That I have you and I'm not sad  
  
NYAN NYAN:  
  
Not sad  
  
MIAKA:  
  
I've one thing to say and that's too bad, so sad, poor Yui-chan  
  
Oh, too bad!  
  
TAMA:  
  
Oh ... Miaka  
  
MIAKA:  
  
oh so sad!  
  
TAMA:  
  
Oh, Miaka!  
  
MIAKA:  
  
for Yui...  
  
TAMA:  
  
Aishiteru oo-oo-oo-ooo-  
  
TOGETHER:  
  
There's one thing left to do ah-oo  
  
TAMA:  
  
And that's go find your friend Yui Hongo  
  
NYAN NYAN:  
  
Oh no!  
  
TAMA:  
  
She's with the guy known as Nakago  
  
NYAN NYAN:  
  
Uh Oh!  
  
TAMA:  
  
Made her... be the Seiryuu no Miko  
  
NYAN NYAN:  
  
Oh no!  
  
TAMA:  
  
Now there's one place to go and that' Kutou  
  
Let's go...  
  
save Yui-chan  
  
MIAKA:  
  
Too bad.... so sad  
  
TAMA:  
  
Miaka ...no baka  
  
TOGETHER:  
  
ai...shite...ru...(they kiss)  
  
(Scene changes to Taitsukuns' place, there are NYAN NYAN's running around randomly saying things)  
  
NYAN NYAN #1: (Points to Taitsukun) The person you are about to see has no neck! (She immediately gets booted thro' the ceiling) GYAAAAAAAAH!!  
  
TAITSUKUN: I would like...if I may....  
  
NYAN NYAN #2: You may not! Teeheee! ^.^ (gets booted as well)  
  
TAITSUKUN: ...To take you, on a strange journey...  
  
NYAN NYAN #3: How strange was it?  
  
NYAN NYAN #4: So strange they wrote a bad fanfic about it! (both get booted)  
  
TAITSUKUN: MAY I CONTINUE NOW KUDASAI!?!  
  
NYAN NYAN: Yes ma'am! n.n  
  
TAITSUKUN: It seemed a fairly ordinary day when Tamahome and his no Miko, Miaka Yuki, two young, healthy kids, left Konan that day in search of their friend Yui Hongo, who was now the Seiryuu no Miko. It's true there were many challenges that faced them along their way, but they being two warriors of Suzaku, well, they weren't going to let anything stand in their way...Or were they? ...On a night out...  
  
NYAN NYAN#5: And in and out and in and out WHEE!! (Painfully booted)  
  
TAITSUKUN: getting seriously annoyed A NIGHT OUT... (looks around to see if she'll be interrupted again) ...It was a night out that they would remember for a very long time... (the scene changes uses the screen melting effect)  
  
NYAN NYAN #6: Taitsukun's face made the screen melt!! Heeheee!! OW!!! (Booted)  
  
(Miaka and Tamahome are walking through the woods, night has just fallen, Tama is looking at a map..Upside down, and to make matters worse.it's raining.  
  
A low rumbling is heard)  
  
TAMAHOME: Gosh, that's the third bit of thunder I've heard...  
  
MIAKA: (sheepishly) Actually I think that was my stomach  
  
TAMAHOME: Sheesh, aren't you ever full? How can you be hungry we just had a snack, and you ate mine as well as yours.  
  
MIAKA: But I'm hungry again....I can't help it.  
  
TAMAHOME: Yeah, yeah, whatever  
  
MIAKA: (stomach growls again) Tamahome, can't we stop for a snack -now-?  
  
TAMAHOME: ~sigh~ you ate all the food already, Miaka.  
  
MIAKA: But I'm still hungry! (She sniffs the air)...Ooh what is that heavenly aroma??  
  
TAMAHOME: Oh no....  
  
MIAKA: I smell FOOD! YAY!! (Turns and runs the opposite direction) It must be from that castle we past a few miles back. I bet they have some food!  
  
TAMAHOME: Miaka! Wait! (Sees she's well ahead of him)...Wait for me Miaka! (Takes off after her.)  
  
(Miaka is scrambling over a large gate with a sign on it, which reads "Enter At Your Own Risk" which of course she doesn't bother to look at. After she "gracefully" falls to the ground, and dusts herself off, she approaches the castle and starts to sing, cause you know we all burst into song when hungry...)  
  
"There's a Meal"  
  
MIAKA:  
  
In the creepy darkness  
  
Of this icky wood  
  
Smelling good...  
  
There's a yummy meal  
  
No matter if it's  
  
Shrimp or eel  
  
(Tamahome runs up out of breath)  
  
MIAKA:  
  
There's a meal  
  
CHORUS:  
  
Over at the emperor's place  
  
MIAKA:  
  
There's a meal -eel-eel-eel-eel-eel  
  
CHORUS  
  
Cooking in the fireplace  
  
MIAKA:  
  
There's a meal, a meal  
  
In the palace  
  
That's been cook for  
  
Little me!  
  
(The camera shifts to the upper window and we see Nakago dressed as a butler)  
  
NAKAGO:  
  
The darkness must go down the river of night streaming  
  
Flow kodoku slow  
  
Let the fame and power come streaming  
  
Into my life  
  
Into my life.....  
  
(He sinks out of site and the camera pans back to Miaka and Tamahome who's still out of breath)  
  
MIAKA:  
  
There's a meal  
  
CHORUS  
  
Over at the emperor's place  
  
MIAKA:  
  
There's a meal-eel-eel-eel-eel-eel  
  
CHORUS:  
  
Cooking in the fire place  
  
MIAKA W/CHORUS  
  
There's a meal, a meal...  
  
MIAKA:  
  
In the palace  
  
That's been cooked just for...  
  
Little me-ee-ee-ee  
  
(Miaka eagerly skips up to the door and knocks, Tamahome follows.)  
  
NYAN NYAN: (from off camera) Hey Nakago-san! Say "Jello" in Spanish, kudasai!  
  
NAKAGO: (to Tamahome and Miaka) .....hello?  
  
MIAKA: (All too happy to see him) Hi there, my names Miaka Yuki. Can we have some food?  
  
TAMAHOME: (clamps a hand over Miaka's mouth) Heh, 'scuse her rudeness.  
  
MIAKA: (Bites his hand)  
  
TAMAHOME: O.o !!!  
  
MIAKA: Don't put something that close to my mouth when I'm hungry, Tamahome- kun  
  
TAMAHOME: (blowing on his injured hand) Carefully noted....  
  
NAKAGO: ....You are wet  
  
NYAN NYAN: (starts to say something and is smacked into a wall by Taitsukun)  
  
TAITSUKUN: Don't even think about it....  
  
MIAKA: Yes.... it's raining  
  
NAKAGO: yes...  
  
TAMAHOME: .....uh yeah....  
  
NAKAGO: (looking them over) I think you better both...come inside  
  
NYAN NYAN: (from off camera) I don't care where you - (SMACKED)  
  
TAITSUKUN: Do you want to loose our PG-13 rating?!  
  
(Tamahome and Miaka are led inside the palace, Miaka is too busy sniffling the air trying to locate where the yummy smells are coming from. Tamahome is more observant to the surroundings and hears the sounds of celebration from another room in the palace)  
  
TAMAHOME: Are you having some sort of party?  
  
NAKAGO: (dully) It's another one of the master's affairs....  
  
TAMAHOME: oh ...(not sure what to say)...Lucky him  
  
SOI: (Appearing on the banister and slides down) He's lucky... I'm Lucky...We're ALL LUCKY HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!  
  
NYAN NYAN: The banisters LUCKY!  
  
TAITSUKUN:......I give up.....  
  
(Soi goes up behind Tamahome and caresses him as Nakago begins to sing)  
  
"The Time Warp, FY Style!"  
  
NAKAGO:  
  
(Going over to a coffin shaped clock, as it begins to chime)  
  
It's astounding, time is fleeting  
  
Seiryuu takes its toll  
  
But listen closely...  
  
SOI:  
  
Not for very much longer...  
  
NAKAGO:  
  
I'm going to...take control  
  
NYAN NYAN:  
  
DO IT!  
  
NAKAGO:  
  
(while prancing around)  
  
I'm a member of the Seiryuu Seven  
  
Plotting...that moment when  
  
The priestess would reach me  
  
And everyone would be calling...  
  
(Together he and Soi have quick elbow sex and rush to kick open a door, leading to a room filled with a variety of Trainies)  
  
ALL:  
  
Let's call the four gods again!  
  
Let's call the four gods again!  
  
TAITSUKUN:(spoken)  
  
It's just a punch to the left...  
  
ALL:(sung)  
  
And then a kick to the right  
  
With a snarl on your lips,  
  
You put up a good fight  
  
But it's Amiboshi's flute  
  
That really drives you insane  
  
Let's call the four gods again  
  
SOI:  
  
(Leaps up on top of a table and does a little twirly dance)  
  
Oh it's so dreamy!  
  
Nakago's freed me  
  
Now you can't beat me,  
  
No not at all  
  
You're from another dimension  
  
With wholesome intentions...  
  
Naïve and foolish...  
  
I'll destroy you all...  
  
NAKAGO:  
  
With a bit of the lightening  
  
SOI:  
  
It'll be oh so frightening!  
  
NAKAGO:  
  
And nothing can ever be the same  
  
SOI:  
  
You'll be freaked out by deception  
  
NAKAGO:(Louder)  
  
Don't trust your perception!  
  
ALL:  
  
Let's call the four gods again!  
  
Let's call the four gods again!  
  
TAITSUKUN:(Spoken)  
  
It's just a punch to the left...  
  
ALL:(Sung)  
  
And then a kick to the right  
  
With a snarl on your lips,  
  
You put up a good fight  
  
But it's Amiboshi's flute  
  
That really drives you insane  
  
Let's call the four gods again  
  
Let's call the four gods again...  
  
(Soi and Nakago dance over to Chichiri who is decked out in sequins, and little tap shoes, oddly enough his hair matches the colour of his blue socks perfectly, his blue Mohawk-bangs stick out from his sparkly top hat)  
  
CHICHIRI:  
  
I was walkin' thro' the woods justa havin' a think  
  
When this bandit guy, gave me an evil wink!  
  
He shooka me up,  
  
He took me by surprise  
  
He had fiery hair  
  
And the Devil's eye  
  
He stared at me and I felt a change  
  
Gender meant nothin'  
  
Never would again no da!  
  
ALL:  
  
Let's call the four gods again!  
  
(Chichiri does a big tap solo, complete with baton twirls using his staff as a baton)  
  
NYAN NYAN: 2 4 6 8 10 12 14, eat yer heart out Ann Miller!!...Wait...Who's Ann Miller?  
  
NYAN NYAN #2: I dunno....  
  
(Chichiri continues his dance and trips on the steps, his hat goes flying and he lands on his rump, looking quite perturbed, he angrily finds his hat and dust him self, joining the rest for the last chorus)  
  
ALL: (sung)  
  
Let's call the four gods again!  
  
Let's call the four gods again!  
  
TAITSUKUN:(Spoken)  
  
It's just a punch to the left...  
  
ALL:(Sung)  
  
And then a kick to the right  
  
With a snarl on your lips,  
  
You put up a good fight  
  
But it's Amiboshi's flute  
  
That really drives you insane  
  
Let's call the four gods again  
  
(Repeat a bit, and on the last one, everyone just falls over. Miaka and Tamahome are left standing.)  
  
MIAKA: (quietly)...Tamahome-kun...say something  
  
TAMAHOME: um...say...(a few people sit up) do any of you guys have spare change? ^.^  
  
MIAKA: ...baka...(tugs him to the door) Tamahome, please, let's get out of here.  
  
TAMAHOME: I thought you said you were hungry????  
  
MIAKA: I was...but I helped myself to that buffet while they were singing (points to the now empty buffet table, which at one point held pineapples and twinkies as well as a few bagels...)  
  
TAMAHOME: You are completely hopeless...  
  
MIAKA: Besides, that butler guy creeps me out, let's just leave (she starts to back away slowly with Tamahome in tow. They are a few feet away from the door when they bump into a dark figure clad in a long black robe, all that can be seen are a pair of bright purple eyes, outlined heavily in black, and a grinning set of dark red lips, placed on a pale heart-shaped face)  
  
MIAKA: (screams and hops into Tamahome's arms) GYAH! KILL IT!  
  
TAMAHOME: (screams as well and nearly drops Miaka)GYAH KILL IT!!!  
  
(Nuriko, prances past them, keeping the cloak wrapped tightly around himself, and starts to sing)  
  
"Sweet Cross-dresser"  
  
How do you do I  
  
See you've met my  
  
Sexy handyman  
  
(Nods to Nakago, who just glares)  
  
He's justa little brought down  
  
because when you knocked  
  
He thought you were that Touma man  
  
(Struts)  
  
Don't got strung out by the way I look  
  
Don't judge a girl by her cover  
  
I'm not much on a man  
  
By the light of day  
  
But by night I'm one hell of a lover!  
  
(Rips off the cloak and throws it on a chair)  
  
I'm justa sweet cross-dresser!  
  
From the provincial, Konan Empire...  
  
Let me show you around!  
  
Maybe a tour of the grounds  
  
Isn't my new palace so pretty?  
  
I like it ornate and refined  
  
But I haven't the time  
  
To do anything to clever or witty...(girlish pout)  
  
TAMAHOME:(Spoken)  
  
I'm sorry to bug you so late  
  
Please forgive my mate  
  
She seems to be craving some curry  
  
MIAKA:(nods)  
  
Hai  
  
TAMAHOME: (spoken)  
  
We'll just have a quick snack  
  
And then get back on track  
  
We're in a bit of a hurry  
  
NURIKO:(sung)  
  
Well, you came at the wrong time  
  
But that's just fine  
  
But babies, don't you worry  
  
By the end of the night  
  
It'll all be alright  
  
I'll let you play with something  
  
Furry...^.~  
  
MIAKA: (spoken)  
  
ew  
  
NURIKO: (sings)  
  
I'm justa sweet cross-dresser  
  
(Does a series of hip thrusts with Chichiri)  
  
from the provincial, Konan Empire  
  
(Eases back into a throne, with Chichiri, Soi, and Nakago, flanking the sides)  
  
Why don't you stay for the night?  
  
NAKAGO:  
  
Night...  
  
NURIKO:  
  
Maybe a bite?  
  
CHICHIRI:  
  
Bite...(licks his lips)  
  
NURIKO:  
  
I'll show you my newest obsession  
  
I've tied up a man,  
  
With the kingdom in his hand,  
  
And I'm using him to ease all my...tension...  
  
I'm just a sweet cross-dresser  
  
NAKAGO, SOI, and CHICHIRI:  
  
Sweet cross-dresser  
  
NURIKO:  
  
From the provincial...  
  
OTHERS:  
  
Konan Empire...  
  
NURIKO:  
  
(Turning to leave)  
  
So...come knock on my door  
  
And see what's in store?  
  
I see you shiver with antici-  
  
NYAN NYAN:  
  
SAY IT!  
  
NURIKO:  
  
-PATION!  
  
And maybe tonight  
  
If it all goes alright...  
  
(Chuckles)  
  
I'll remove his clothes...and also the speedo!  
  
(Exits laughing, everyone claps, except for Miaka and Tamahome who just look scared)  
  
MIAKA: (looks over to Tamahome) What's going on?  
  
TAMAHOME: ...I wish I knew  
  
(Soi and Nakago come up behind Tamahome and Miaka and start undressing them)  
  
MIAKA: HEY! Tamahome!  
  
TAMAHOME: (looking at Soi) Heh, um let's just play along for now um...Miyuko...  
  
MIAKA: my name is MIAKA!  
  
TAMAHOME: (still grinning at Soi) yeah whatever...  
  
(Miaka and Tamahome are stripped down to their undies, Chichiri comes up behind them watching with some interest)  
  
CHICHIRI: You're mighty lucky to be invited up to Nuriko's room, no da. Some people would give their right arm for the privilege.  
  
NYAN NYAN: (from off camera) Or their right eye!  
  
CHICHIRI:...Hey...that hurt no da ;.;  
  
TAITSUKUN: Can we please just get on with it!?  
  
CHICHIRI: Not until they apologize no da...  
  
NYAN NYAN: ...gomen nasai Chichiri-san!  
  
CHICHIRI: fine...  
  
TAMAHOME: Can I say my line now?  
  
CHICHIRI: Please do.  
  
TAMAHOME: ahem... People like you maybe?  
  
CHICHIRI: Feh, I've seen it! (Struts off)  
  
(Soi and Nakago, lead Miaka and Tamahome down some corridors)  
  
MIAKA: (trying to make polite conversation, and ignore Tamahome, who is still ogling Soi) Is she..I mean he...I mean...  
  
SOI: -His- name is Nuriko  
  
MIAKA: Is Nuriko your um...husband?  
  
CHICHIRI: (laughs) No da!  
  
NAKAGO: The...master, is not yet married, nor do I think he ever will be...  
  
NYAN NYAN: Foreshadowing!  
  
MIAKA: Oh...  
  
(The party reaches a large door, Nakago opens it and Miaka and Tamahome are ushered in by Soi and Chichiri. Nuriko stands in the center of the room in a long purple lingerie like robe, the other guests are standing along the sides of the room, along the back wall is a closed curtain. Nuriko, smiles and skips over to Miaka and Tamahome)  
  
NURIKO: Soi, Chichiri, go and assist Nakago. I'll entertain...( grins)  
  
TAMAHOME: Watashi wa, Tamahome,(Watches Soi walk away) this is my um...friend, Mioko  
  
MIAKA: it's MIAKA!  
  
TAMAHOME: gomen...^.^;  
  
NURIKO: how nice! And such ...charming, underclothes you both have. I'd offer you something to make you feel less...  
  
NYAN NYAN: Naked...  
  
NURIKO: Vunerable...  
  
NYAN NYAN: Same thing!  
  
NURIKO: But frankly, I'd prefer to see you this way. (looks them up and down)yes, this is much better.  
  
NAKAGO: Master, everything is ready. We merely await your word.  
  
NURIKO: Okay! (Prances to in front of the curtain, the ensemble quiets down and all eyes are upon Nuriko) Tonight, my friends, servants, and fellow harem girls, you will witness the crowning of a new emperor in Konan...ME!  
  
(Applause) It was strange they way it happened. I was trying so desperately to get the emperor to fall in love with me, but alas, he was always too busy ruling the county to visit his harem...but I fixed all that. And all it took was a small accident...to make it happen (chuckles) As you will soon all see. I'm in charge now, and no one can stop me! And you all are fortunate, because after tonight, when my darling is back in control, he'll be a much less stressed out ruler...heh if you know what I mean (winks), for tonight is the night, that my beautiful captive is destined to be...  
  
NYAN NYAN: Fucked!  
  
TAITSUKUN: Where did you learn such language!?!  
  
NYAN NYAN: Tasuki-kun  
  
TAITSUKUN: Figures...  
  
NURIKO: ...that line works. Moving on then...Nakago, open the curtain!  
  
NAKAGO: yeh yeh...(opens the curtain)  
  
(Behind the curtain we see a bound and gagged Hotohori, clad in a light purple bed robe)  
  
NURIKO: Ooh, bondage!  
  
MIAKA: Tamahome!  
  
TAMAHOME: It's all right Miaka  
  
MIAKA: Funny, now that Soi ain't around you remember my name...(glare o' doom)  
  
TAMAHOME: Eh heh...  
  
NURIKO: Soi. Chichiri, I think he's been bound long enough to know I'm not kidding. So now Hotohori-sama, if you'll agree to behave, we'll untie you.  
  
HOTOHORI: (nods)  
  
( Nuriko nods to the maid and the groupie, they go and untie Hotohori and remove his robe, leaving him clad in a tiny gold speedo. As soon as he is free, he takes off running around the room, singing. Nuriko is chasing him, tripping over her long robe)  
  
"Holy Sword of Damocles"  
  
HOTOHORI:  
  
Ooooh, my Holy Sword is hanging over my head  
  
And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cuttin'  
  
The thread!  
  
Oh woe is me  
  
I'm stuck in a bi-ki-ni  
  
And I can see  
  
That I'm at the start of a really bad fanfic!  
  
I woke up this morning  
  
With Nuriko at the foot of my bed  
  
CHORUS:  
  
That ain't no crime!  
  
HOTOHORI:  
  
He lept on me and hit me over the head!  
  
CHORUS:  
  
That ain't no crime  
  
HOTOHORI:  
  
My clothes are gone  
  
I know longer rule Konan  
  
And all I know  
  
Is I'm at the start of a really bad fanfic!  
  
CHORUS:  
  
Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.  
  
HOTOHORI:  
  
Oh ho no no  
  
CHORUS:  
  
Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.  
  
HOTOHORI:  
  
Oh ho no no  
  
CHORUS:  
  
Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.  
  
HOTOHORI:  
  
Oh ho no no  
  
My holy sword is hanging over my head  
  
CHORUS:  
  
That ain't no crime  
  
HOTOHORI:  
  
And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cuttin' the thread!  
  
CHORUS:  
  
Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime  
  
HOTOHORI:  
  
Oh ho no no  
  
CHORUS:  
  
Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.  
  
HOTOHORI:  
  
Oh ho no no  
  
CHORUS:  
  
Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.  
  
(repeat until the end)  
  
(Nuriko, finally tackles Hotohori)  
  
NURIKO: Really! That's no way to behave Hotohori-sama!...(looks over the lovely creature he has pinned) but since you're so damn hot...I'm prepared to forgive you.  
  
HOTOHORI: But I-  
  
NURIKO: (putting a gag on him) Ooh I just love being in charge! Don't worry Hotohori-sama. I'll take good care of you. Your problem is you're too tense  
  
NYAN NYAN: A man goes to the doctor and says "I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee" and the doctor says, "Sir, I think you are two tents!"  
  
TAITSUKUN: (groans)  
  
NURIKO: But I'll help you relax...(opens another curtain, displaying a room with a large canopy bed)  
  
HOTOHORI: (muffled by the gag) Suzaku help me...  
  
"I Can Make You My Man..."  
  
NURIKO: (sung while affectionately petting Hotohori)  
  
A ruler weighting 180 lbs  
  
When tied up to my bed  
  
Won't make, any sound  
  
And soon, my new toy,  
  
You'll see all the joy  
  
The sweat from our pores  
  
As we work for our "cause"  
  
Will make you whimper and scream  
  
And a massage  
  
(Starts to caress a now terrified Hotohori)  
  
Full body! It'll be a dream *.*  
  
You will see, and be quite pleased!  
  
You'll be a new man  
  
Oh honey! Such a hot man!  
  
(Hotohori tries scambling away, Nuriko, mere tackles him again and sits on his back)  
  
He'll be delicious  
  
So yummy  
  
Just look at those legs!  
  
(tickles his feet)  
  
I like to see him on his knees  
  
'specially, when he -begs-  
  
Such an effort  
  
He just can't understand  
  
That in just seven days  
  
I will make you my man!  
  
(Nuriko leans to kiss Hotohori, when door are flung open and the a blaze of fire nearly singes the guests. Chichiri,leaps up)  
  
CHICHIRI:(screams happily)  
  
TASUKI!!!  
  
(A fiery rouge steps into the room. Brandishing a large iron harisen. There's a smug grin on his face, Chichiri runs to his side, and is having a hard time keeping his hands off the bandit. Tasuki acknowledges him with a quick nod, but looks at Nuriko as he sings.)  
  
"Rekka Shin'en"  
  
TASUKI:  
  
Whatever happened to Cho Ryuen?  
  
I remember him from way back when  
  
It don't seem the same since ya joined with them  
  
And outta my life.  
  
I thought you were divine  
  
We used to start a fight with a guy who rode  
  
All self-assured with his pocket's fulla gold  
  
His self-esteem was goin' down now pretty low  
  
We felt pretty good  
  
Really had a good time  
  
Rekka Shin'en I'm the man  
  
I really love my fire fan  
  
Rekka Shin'en I'm the man  
  
I really love my fire fan  
  
(Repeat abit)  
  
(He and Chichiri dance together, but it's hardly dancing really, more like groping...sex with clothes on. The Nyan Nyan watch eagerly, until Taitsukun covers their eyes)  
  
TAISUKUN:You girls are already corrupted enough as it is. I knew I should have left you all back at the mountian  
  
(Tasuki manages to pry himself away from Chichiri, who pouts as Tasuki winks at him and continues his song)  
  
TASUKI:  
  
Got back in the gang  
  
Put my sad face on  
  
Knei-Gong told me the old leader was gone  
  
But he left me the harisen that he had won  
  
It felt pretty good  
  
Really had a good time!  
  
Rekka Shin'en I'm the man  
  
I really love my fire fan  
  
(The Chorus is repeated by the group as Nuriko, gets off of Hotohori and finds a pick-axe, and sneaks up on Tasuki. The camera moves to Chichiri, who starts screaming, the rest of the room goes silent. Camera moves back to Nuriko who now holds a bloody ax)  
  
NURIKO:(Grinning) Oops ^.^  
  
(Tosses the ax aside, it takes out the trainie played by Miboshi, and no one seems to care... Nuriko looks around for Hotohori, and sees him trying to hide under the bed. Giggling impishly, Nuriko grabs the poor man's ankles and drags him out)  
  
NURIKO: Ooh don't be upset Hotohori-sama...it was a mercy killing. He had a certain naïve charm, but no muscle...(This said, he grabs Hotohori's arm) Oooh!  
  
"I Can Make You My Man" (reprise)  
  
NURIKO:  
  
But a ruler  
  
And a hot one  
  
With long hair  
  
Ruling Konan  
  
Makes me...(shivers) Oooooh!  
  
Shake!  
  
Makes me wanna take you where you stand  
  
In just seven days...  
  
I can make you  
  
My man!  
  
(pulls Hotohori to his feet)  
  
I don't want no resistance  
  
Just see my persistence!  
  
In just seven days  
  
I can make my man!  
  
(the other guests throw confetti as the two exit to the bedroom, and Nakago closes the curtain)  
  
ACT TWO:  
  
The director sighed, and fliped a few pages in her script as a rather annoyed Taitsukun floated over to her. "Not to be a wet blanket or anything, but tell me again, why you asked the Nyan Nyan's along to this shoot?"  
  
"People think they're cute, in a recent studied 80% of FY fans thoughts the Nyan Nyan's were adorable and added cuteness, and who am I to argue with statistics?" She shrugged.  
  
"But ..."  
  
"Look lady, you may be a god or whatever in some other world but -I- hold the pen here, so sit down and shut up, or else I'll give you even worse lines then I'm giving you now."  
  
Taitsukun, taken back by the threat, retreated peacefully back to her dressing room to prepare for the next scene. No other actors dared bother the director, and after a quick lunch, shooting resumed as scheduled.  
  
(Once more in Taitsukun's place, Taitsukun has her back to the camera and is making threatening gestures to the little girls.)  
  
TAITSUKUN: ...and so help me Suzaku, if I hear ONE MORE peep out of any of you I will ring your scrawny little-  
  
ASSISTANT: (from off camera) Psst! This is being filmed...  
  
TAITSUKUN: (looks over her shoulder)...kuso...  
  
TAKE TWO  
  
TAITSUKUN: There are those who say that life is an illusion...  
  
NYAN NYAN: Like your neck!  
  
TAITSUKUN:...  
  
ASSISTANT: Ignore them, and get on with it, we all want to go home  
  
TAITSUKUN:...very well...and that reality is a figment of the imagination. If that is so then Miaka and Tamahome are perfectly safe. However the sudden departure of their host and his...captive, left feeling, both apprehensive and uneasy, a feeling which grew...  
  
NYANYAN: Unlike your neck!  
  
TAITSUKUN: as the other guests departed and they were shown to their separate rooms...  
  
(We see Miaka being pushed into a dimly lit room, the light all have the red filter on, making the room resemble a bordello. She stumbles to bed and starts to fall asleep when someone knocks on the door)  
  
MIAKA: Who's there? Who is it?  
  
NURIKO: (sounding like Tamahome) It's only me, Miaka.  
  
MIAKA: But you can't be Miaka, I'M Miaka...  
  
NURIKO: (sounding like Tamahome) No you baka! I'm Tamahome!  
  
MIAKA: Then why did you say you were Miaka at first?  
  
NURIKO:...  
  
MIAKA: Cause you said, "It's me Miaka" Implying that you were Miaka, when we all known that can't be true Because I'm Miaka, unless You -are- Miaka, but then who would I be? Would I be you or would you be me? Unless...  
  
NURIKO: (sounding like Tamahome) Only one-way to shut you up...(grabs her and kisses her)  
  
MIAKA: (shoving him away) Tamahome! You know we can't do anything...  
  
NURIKO: (sounding like Tamahome) Oh that's just silly Miaka, an old wives' tale, don't worry everything's gonna be alright...  
  
MIAKA: (kissing him again) Oh I hope so, I hope we find Yui (starts playing with his ponytail) then everything will...(the wig falls off) YOU!  
  
NURIKO: (sits back on the bed) Yep, it's me! Isn't it nice!?  
  
MIAKA: (covers her self with the blanket, why she sleeps naked all the time is beyond me...) Oh you beast! You pervert! You HENTAI! (Smacking him with each accusation) Whaddya do to Tamahome!?  
  
NURIKO: (rubbing his now sore head) Oi...nothing  
  
NYAN NYAN: Yet!  
  
NURIKO: Why? Do you think I should? I could give him a few pointers...  
  
MIAKA: You tricked me!  
  
NURIKO: I sure did (pulls out a compact and powders his nose while Miaka yells at him)  
  
MIAKA: I wouldn't have, I'd never ...never...  
  
NURIKO: (puts the compact aside, and cuddles her) Yes, yes...But admit it. It not all that bad...(kiss) Not even half bad ne?  
  
MIAKA: Oh stop...I mean help...OH TAMAHOME!  
  
NURIKO: Shhh, Tama-kins is probably asleep by now...do you want him to see you like this!? (Throws Miaka'a ankles over his shoulder)  
  
MIAKA: (scrambling to maintain her feminine modesty..BWAHAHA!! femine modesty…hehe) Like this, like how!? I was saving myself!  
  
NURIKO: Feh, for what a rainy day? Look outside!  
  
MIAKA:...  
  
NURIKO: You liked it didn't you?  
  
MIAKA: (uneasily) well...um...  
  
NURIKO: (snuggle snuggle grope)  
  
MIAKA: Oooh...Promise you won't tell Tamahome?  
  
NURIKO: (grope fondle kiss) Cross my heart and hope to die...(molest molest)  
  
MIAKA: (giggles and leans back on the bed.)  
  
(The camera shifts to Nakago and Soi, who are hard at work cleaning up the mess from Tasuki's entrance and rather messy exit. Hotohori is tied to the bed in the back. Soi glances over to Nakago and raises an eyebrow. Nakago smirks and picks up and large candelabra, and approaches the sleeping Hotohori)  
  
NYAN NYAN: I know what you're thinking and it -won't- fit!  
  
(Nakago thrusts the candelabra at Hotohori, who, burned by a bit of hot wax, jerks awake and falls off the bed narrowly missing the fire. The flames instead burn the ropes that had held him captive on the bed, and Hotohori takes this opportunity to run like hell. Nakago chases after him, but losses him in the labyrinthine corridors.)  
  
(Scene change. A room identical to Miaka, but in blue lighting. Tamahome is in bed snoozing when a knock is heard, the door opens and figures scurries into his bed)  
  
NURIKO: (sounding like Miaka) Oooh Tamahome! It's no good here. I'm scared! Hold me!  
  
TAMAHOME: (fast asleep) Zzzzz  
  
NURIKO: (sounding like Miaka) Tamahome??...WAKE UP!!!  
  
TAMAHOME: Zzzz  
  
NURIKO:...(pulls out a change purse and jingles it)  
  
TAMAHOME : (wide awake) MONEY!  
  
NURIKO: (sounding still like Miaka) Oh Tama-kins! I'm scared! Hold me! (glomps onto Tamahome)  
  
TAMAHOME: (huggles) Don't worry, we'll be out of here in the morning, but for now, let's just take advantage of the free room and board.  
  
NURIKO: (in Miaka's voice) Oh Tamahome, you're so strong and protective...(grope)  
  
TAMAHOME: O.o Miaka! I-I never knew you were so...ahem aggressive...wow...  
  
NURIKO: (fondle fondle)  
  
TAMAHOME: OH Miaka! (grabs the back of his/her head to pull him/her into a kiss, and the wig comes off) GYAH!!! YOU!!  
  
NURIKO: Yes Tama-kin's it's little ol' me!  
  
TAMAHOME: You pervert! What the heck the big idea!  
  
NURIKO: Oh don't get so upset Tama-kin's. It's not so bad. If you want I can still talk in the Miaka voice  
  
TAMAHOME: You tricked me!  
  
NURIKO: duh...  
  
TAMAHOME: I wouldn't have  
  
NURIKO: of course not, You can't impersonate a girl as well as I can. You know, very few men look as good in a dress and nylons as I do. I mean, I have great legs for it. And I don't even need any cleavage! Isn't it great!? And judging from Miaka, you don't mind if girls are lacking in the chest area. ^.^  
  
TAMAHOME: What have you done with Miaka you lech!?  
  
NYAN NYAN: Freaked the whoo-hah outta her!  
  
NURIKO: um...nothing^.^ teehee Oh Tama-kins, we've wasted so much time already! (Shoves him back on the bed)Miaka, needn't know, I won't tell her (smooch)  
  
TAMAHOME: o.o` oh, hey now stop, don't, stop...I mean um...No no not down there...HEY!!  
  
NURIKO: Shhh...(fondle fondle, pet pet)  
  
TAMAHOME: ...promise you won't tell um...what's her name?  
  
NURIKO: (mumbles something and nods)  
  
NYAN NYAN: Don't talk with your mouth full!  
  
TAITSUKUN: You girls shouldn't be watching this! You're too young!  
  
NYAN NYAN: Demo, Tamahome-san is only getting a blow- (SMACKED INTO ORBIT)  
  
TAITSUKUN: Remember our rating!!  
  
NYAN NYAN: Fuck the rating! (Giggles impishly)  
  
TAITSUKUN: So much for trying to be PG-13..Damn kids these days...  
  
(A knock is heard at the door and we hear Nakago)  
  
NAKAGO: Master...Hotohori has broken free and is somewhere on the palace grounds, Soi has just released Ashitare...  
  
NURIKO:...Coming!  
  
NYAN NYAN: So's Tamahome!!  
  
TAITSUKUN: Honestly! Have you girls no shame?!  
  
NYAN NYAN: Nope!  
  
(quick scene cut to Hotohori running in his itsy-bitsy-teeny-weenie-little- gold-bikini, Ashitare is chasing him)  
  
HOTOHORI: MOMMY!!!!  
  
ASHITARE: kibble and bits...  
  
(Scene change to a very upset Miaka who is talking to herself in a hallway)  
  
MIAKA: What's happening here? Where's Tamahome? Where's anybody!? Oh if only we hadn't made this journey  
  
NYAN NYAN: But you did  
  
MIAKA: If only I wasn't controlled by my stomach  
  
NYAN NYAN: But you are  
  
MIAKA: ...WILL YOU SHUT UP!?!?!  
  
NYAN NYAN: teehee  
  
MIAKA: ...Honestly...(turns a corner and is toppled over by a frantic looking Hotohori)  
  
HOTOHORI: Hide me!  
  
MIAKA: Hey you're that guy Nuriko was all over...  
  
HOTOHORI: Pardon my lack of formal introductions but I'm trying to avoid a psycho dog wolf thing, so if it wouldn't be too much trouble miss, I'd appreciate it if you'd HIDE ME!!!  
  
(She and Hotohori go into a side room, and Miaka locks the door)  
  
HOTOHORI: Thank you  
  
MIAKA: (looking around the room and sees a television monitor) Hey now wait just a minute, this is ancient China, they didn't have tv's!  
  
DIRECTOR: (storming in) Damnit! They also didn't speak Japanese in China, but no one seemed to notice that!!!  
  
MIAKA: ...true, but really the TV is too much.  
  
DIRECTOR What about Tamahome's underwear huh? I gave him boxer shorts and no one seemed to care  
  
MIAKA: Only because if he were naked, Nakago would never leave him alone  
  
NAKAGO: I heard that!  
  
MIAKA: Besides they don't even have electricity, how would the TV work?  
  
DIRECTOR: No one said this had to make sense  
  
HOTOHORI: I have to agree with her. The TV really is too much, you should get rid of it  
  
DIRECTOR: (much annoyed) FINE!! Damn actors really piss me off...(rips out the television monitor and puts out a huge mirror instead) There, just like the one Taitsukun had. HAPPY!?!  
  
MIAKA: Much better Arigatou!  
  
DIRECTOR: (walking off) bite me...  
  
MIAKA: Who's line was it?  
  
HOTOHORI: Yours I believe.  
  
MIAKA: Thanks...ahem...What's going on here anyway?  
  
HOTOHORI: I was the ruler of the Konan empire until that sex starved harem "girl", Nuriko over powered my entire army, seized my throne, and coincidently seized me, as his personal slave (shudders) I'm too beautiful for this sort of treatment! ...All thought I must admit that I look very good in leather collars...that whip leaves the most horrible marks on my otherwise perfect butt.  
  
MIAKA: ...Modest he's not...  
  
HOTOHORI: He says this is only a temporary thing. That, after he's done with me, he'll let me be the ruler again. He's convinced that I'll fall in love with him. But that's very unlikely...  
  
MIAKA: Because you don't like guys?  
  
HOTOHORI: Because I will not tolerate being with someone more beautiful then me! I can't be the ugly one in the relationship! What will people think!?  
  
MIAKA:...¬.¬ uh huh...I see your logic  
  
HOTOHORI: So why are you here?  
  
MIAKA: Well, Tamahome and I were looking for my friend. But we kinda got sidetracked...and well, here we are.  
  
HOTOHORI: And where is Tamahome now?  
  
MIAKA: That's a good question...I have no idea  
  
HOTOHORI: (points to the mirror) You can use that telev- um mirror to see him  
  
MIAKA: Wow...technology is so neat...(walks up to the mirror) Mirror mirror on the wall...  
  
HOTOHORI: ...  
  
MIAKA: Um...okay wrong story...Mirror thingamajig, show me Tamahome!  
  
(Nothing happens)  
  
MIAKA: STUPID MIRROR WORK!! (Kicks the side)  
  
HOTOHORI: (sighs and points to the large ON/OFF switch on the mirror)...  
  
MIAKA: oh...I knew that (turns the mirror on and gets an eye full) TAMAHOME!!  
  
HOTOHORI: (looking over Miaka's shoulder) Wow, I did not know the human body could bend at such an angle...such agility.  
  
MIAKA: Oh how could you?! (Starts crying and turns the mirror off)  
  
HOTOHORI: Miaka-chan, don't cry.  
  
(Miaka looks up at Hotohori, and we hear that annoying melody from FY, Inoruyou ni aishiteru, you know that song they play in EVERY love scene...Yeah that one. It plays for a bit as the two stare into each other's eyes. The scene changes to Taitsukun's place and that music stops.)  
  
TAITSUKUN: Emotion, agitation or disturbance of the mind...Vehement or excited mental state. It is also a powerful and irrational master...and from what Soi and Chichiri eagerly viewed on their mirror thingies, there seemed little doubt that Miaka was, indeed, ... its slave.  
  
CHICHIRI & SOI: Tell us about it Miaka...  
  
CHICHIRI...no da!  
  
"TOUCHA TOUCHA with an FY Edge"  
  
MIAKA:  
  
I was feelin' done in  
  
couldn't win  
  
I never felt this way before  
  
I thought there was no way  
  
to get Tamahome  
  
He only thinks of money  
  
What else can I say?  
  
Now I just don't know  
  
Where to go  
  
I had him once  
  
Now he is gone  
  
SOI & CHICHIRI:  
  
Gone. Gone. Gone  
  
MIAKA:  
  
I put up no resistance  
  
I'm going to stay my distance  
  
But now I'm really sad  
  
I need assistance  
  
Hold-a, hold-a, hold-a, hold me  
  
I'm feelin' so lonely  
  
Cuddle. Cuddle. Cuddle. Cuddle.  
  
Hotohori-san (she starts walking him over to a strategically placed bed)  
  
But now a feelin' grows  
  
and who knows  
  
I just may fall in love with you  
  
SOI & CHICHIRI:  
  
You. You. You.  
  
MIAKA:  
  
I'm feelin' so folorn-ly  
  
I hope I don't sound corny...  
  
I need a man like you  
  
Ooh I feelin' horny (shoves Hotohori back onto the bed and tackles him)  
  
Fuck-a. Fuck-a. Fuck-a. Fuck me  
  
I'm gonna be dirty!  
  
Eat me. Beat me. Mistreat me  
  
Hotohori-kun!  
  
(the two get their um......groove on)  
  
MIAKA: (more of a scream then sung) Hotohori-kun Ooh!  
  
(Scene changes to Nuriko walking down the hallway whipping a disgruntled Nakago, Tamahome follows)  
  
NURIKO: You were supposed to be watching him you idiot! (Whip) How did it happen!!?  
  
NAKAGO: I was only away for a minute...  
  
NYAN NYAN: Doing what??  
  
NAKAGO:...master  
  
NYAN NYAN: ...bating!! (They fall over laughing)  
  
NAKAGO: Now that was both rude and out of line, I will not tolerate such behavior! I am a serious actor!  
  
NURIKO: (whips Nakago again) Just because they saw what you do when you're spying on Tamahome...  
  
NAKAGO: O.o...  
  
TAMAHOME: o.o`  
  
DIRECTOR: Can we discuss our sexual activities later please!? I'm running out of aspirin!  
  
NURIKO: crack that whip...^.^ (whips Nakago)See if you can find him (Whip) On. (Whip) The. (Whip) MONITOR!!  
  
DIRECTOR: psst...it's a mirror now  
  
NURIKO: Oh Suzaku damn it! FINE, MIRROR!  
  
NAKAGO: (grumbles and opens a door to the room Miaka and Hotohori had been in and turns on the um...mirror. An image of a blonde girl in the palace gardens appears) Master...we seem to have a visitor...  
  
NURIKO: Oooh!! (Skips over, and look rather disappointed when he see that the person isn't male.)  
  
TAMAHOME: Yui-chan!  
  
NAKAGO: You know the priestess of Sei- (stops himself as Nuriko gives him an odd look) Um..I mean, you know this girl?  
  
TAMAHOME: She's Miaka's friend, they came into this world together.  
  
NURIKO: Well...what the heck the more the merrier ne Tama-kins? Let's bring her up! (Rings a little bell and Suboshi runs in)  
  
SUBOSHI: Hai?  
  
NURIKO: Be a lamb Amiboshi...  
  
SUBOSHI: Um...I'm SUboshi, actually...  
  
NURIKO: (blinks) Whatever whatever. Who ever you are, go and get this girlie girl (points to Yui in the mirror)  
  
SUBOSHI: Hai. (Wanders off in search of Yui)  
  
NURIKO: (taps his foot and hums)...  
  
(Time passes)  
  
NURIKO: Saa...what is taking him so long!?  
  
(Finally Yui is carried in, still screaming at and hitting an already half dead looking Suboshi, who immediately passes out as soon as he enters the room)  
  
YUI: How dare you touch me like that!? You have no idea what I have been through!  
  
NURIKO: Ooh she's snippity one...  
  
TAMAHOME: Yui...  
  
YUI:...Tamahome...what are you doing here??  
  
NYAN NYAN: Eh just fucking around (giggles)  
  
TAMAHOME: Miaka and I...  
  
YUI: (cutting him off) I don't want to hear anything about MIAKA! .  
  
(Miaka and Hotohori, still naked and in bed together in the background, choose that time to be seen)  
  
MIAKA: AH!  
  
YUI: Miaka!  
  
MIAKA: Yui!  
  
TAMAHOME: Miaka!  
  
MIAKA: Tamahome!  
  
NURIKO: Hotohori!  
  
HOTOHORI: ...  
  
YUI: Miaka!  
  
MIAKA: Yui!  
  
TAMAHOME: Miaka!  
  
MIAKA: Tamahome!  
  
NURIKO: Hotohori!  
  
HOTOHORI: (looks very confused by the whole situation)  
  
YUI: Miaka!  
  
MIAKA: Yui!  
  
TAMAHOME: Miaka!  
  
MIAKA: Tamahome!  
  
NURIKO: Hotohori!  
  
HOTOHORI: Zakennayo!!  
  
NURIKO: I made yo-  
  
MIAKA: Tamahomeeeee!!  
  
TAMAHOME: Miakaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!  
  
MIAKA: TAMAHOME!!!!!!  
  
TAMAHOME: MIAKA!!!  
  
NURIKO: (large scary head with flames behind it) DAMNIT WILL YOU TWO STOP THAT!!?!? WE KNOW YOUR NAMES!!!!  
  
MIAKA:...Gomen nasai...  
  
TAMAHOME: Force of habit...  
  
NURIKO: As I was saying...I made you, and I can break you just as easily!  
  
HOTOHORI: You didn't make me...  
  
NURIKO: I made you bi-sexual ^.^  
  
HOTOHORI: O.o You did NOT!!  
  
NURIKO: Did too!  
  
HOTOHORI: DID NOT!!  
  
(Soi appears at the door and hits a gong)  
  
SOI: Dinner is prepared!! ^.^  
  
MIAKA: o.o Foood!!! YIPPEE!! (Runs off, taking the sheet with her, leaving Hotohori...well...naked)  
  
HOTOHORI: O.O ... (covers himself with a pillow and slinks off to find some clothes)  
  
NURIKO: Well...that certainly stirred MY appetite! (Skips off to dinner)  
  
(Taitsukun again, the Nyan Nyan are bound and gagged in the background)  
  
TAITSUKUN: Food has always played a vital role in life's rituals, and especially in Miaka's life rituals...and this meal, however informal it might appear, you can be sure that there was to be very little bon ami.  
  
MIAKA: Bon ami? I don't care much for French food, as long as they have sashimi, or some teriaki, I'll be okay ^.^  
  
TAITSUKUN: you're getting as bad as the girls! Go get in place!  
  
(Miaka grumbles and returns to her seat at the dinner table, which is the setting for the scene. Nuriko sits at the head of the table giving Hotohori a rather fowl glare, clockwise are Chichiri, who for some reason is wearing mouse ears, Hotohori, Yui, who is giving the knives an all to eager stare, until Soi comes around and takes away all her knives replacing them with forks...followed by Tamahome and Miaka- both still in their tightie whities... Nakago enters with a tray, which is set before Nuriko, who lifts the lid off the tray, underneath is a chunk of...um meat? The met like thing is carved, and served by Nakago, who merely tosses the slices on the guests plates)  
  
NYAN NYAN: Gee Nakago sure does know how to sling his meat!  
  
TAITSUKUN: How did you get out!?  
  
NURIKO: (taking up a glass of wine) A toast...(the other's lift their glasses) to absent friends...  
  
ALL: Kampaii!  
  
NURIKO: and to Hotohori...  
  
(Hotohori slinks back in his chair trying not to be seen, everyone begins to eat, Miaka is already done and eyeing up Tamahome's plate)  
  
TAMAHOME: Don't even try it...  
  
MIAKA: (innocently) nani?  
  
YUI: (growling) Miaka...I finally found you...  
  
MIAKA: (chipper)Hi Yui! You're looking well! (waves)  
  
YUI: ...looking well?! You didn't even care I was gone you rotten li-  
  
TAMAHOME: (sees Yui reaching for a fork) GEE! This sure is a great meal! What's in it?  
  
NURIKO: Oh it's just a little something I had Soi whipped up. (evil smirk to Chichiri) It's a rather -hot- dish don't you think? Tender...young...male...meat...  
  
TAMAHOME: (seeing Chichiri's eyes widen, looks down at his own plate in horror)... ew  
  
MIAKA: You done?  
  
TAMAHOME: Miaka don't that's- (Miaka polishes off his food)...nevermind  
  
CHICHII: (standing from the table) Excuse me...no da... (he exits, slamming the doors behind him. Everyone looks towards the door, with the exception of Nuriko, as Chichiri starts screaming)  
  
NURIKO: (smirk)Another slice anyone?  
  
(everyone slowly shakes their head...except for Miaka who raises her hand)  
  
TAMAHOME: Idiot! (smaks her arm and leans over to whisper something in her ear)  
  
MIAKA: O.o EW!!!...but it was rather tasty...(looks to Nuriko) could I maybe have some of that with mustard?  
  
YUI: Can't you go five minutes without thinking about eating?!  
  
MIAKA: Geez Yui, what's bugging you? You seem kinda edgy...  
  
YUI:...Are you completely brainless!? (roles up her sleeves showing the scars) Did you even notice I was missing!?!?  
  
MIAKA: Sure we did Yui, we were looking for you...  
  
YUI: Looking very hard I see...that's why you're here having a party with a bunch of cross dressers  
  
HOTOHORI: Um, pardon me, but really Nuriko is the only cross-dresser, I was dragged into this against my will...  
  
YUI: Be quiet...  
  
HOTOHORI: Why is everyone bossing me around latly?  
  
(still giving Miaka the evil eye, Yui starts to sing)  
  
"YUI'S SONG"  
  
YUI:  
  
From the day I was gone  
  
I was in trouble...  
  
You were the thorn  
  
On my tender side  
  
It was the end...  
  
TAITSUKUN:  
  
You were a no good self-centered friend  
  
YUI:  
  
Not caring if I lived or died!  
  
From the day I was raped  
  
All I wanted  
  
Was revenge for my fate  
  
And Miaka's death  
  
With Nakago's help  
  
TAITSUKUN:  
  
He nursed the sick little whelp...  
  
YUI:  
  
Making me the Seiryu No Miko!  
  
ALL:  
  
When Yui said she couldn't stand Miaka  
  
You know she was a pissed off kid  
  
When she complained of her strife  
  
And threatened your life  
  
NURIKO:  
  
What a shame  
  
MIAKA:  
  
I'm to blame  
  
YUI:  
  
Yes you are  
  
(Cut to Chichiri in his room, mourning over Tasuki, infront of a small shrine)  
  
CHICHIRI:  
  
Everybody feared him  
  
I always rather cheered him  
  
I said "Hey Tasuki take me  
  
I just can't stand celibacy  
  
So he locked the door  
  
And filled me with such glee  
  
(Cuts back to the dinner table)  
  
YUI:  
  
You must have been drawn  
  
By you're stomach  
  
Just as I thought  
  
You, don't even care 'bout me!  
  
MIAKA:  
  
You're out of your head  
  
Oh Yui, y'don't mean what you've said  
  
I never stopped worrying don't you see?  
  
ALL:  
  
When Yui said she couldn't stand Miaka  
  
You know she was a pissed off kid  
  
When she complained of her strife  
  
And threatened your life  
  
NURIKO:  
  
What a shame  
  
MIAKA:  
  
I'm to blame  
  
YUI:  
  
Yes you are  
  
ALL:  
  
When Yui said she couldn't stand Miaka  
  
You know she was a pissed off kid  
  
But when she complained of her strife  
  
And threatened your life  
  
NURIKO:  
  
What a shame  
  
MIAKA:  
  
I'm to blame  
  
YUI:  
  
Yes you are  
  
(The song end and Yui suddenly runs towards Miaka, brandishing a fork...Miaka screams and stands, bringing the table clothe, which she had tuck into her collar as a napkin, with her. Under the tables cloth was a sheet of clear glass and under that, a cut apart Tasuki)  
  
NURIKO: k'so I guess you know what the secret ingredient was...(sees that Hotohori is comforting Miaka) Oh Hotohori, How could you!?!?  
  
"BETTER WISE UP MIAKA-CHAN!"  
  
NURIKO: (grabs Hotohori, and slaps Miaka, who takes off running and screaming. Nuriko chases after her while singing)  
  
I told you once  
  
I won't tell you again  
  
You better wise up Miaka-chan!  
  
I've laid the seed  
  
It should be all ya need.  
  
You're as sensual as a pencil  
  
Wound up like a 'e' or first string (a Nyan Nyan skips by wearing a g- string)  
  
TAITSUKUN: (spoken)  
  
He said 'E' string not G string!!!!!!  
  
NURIKO:  
  
When we made it did you hear a bell ring?  
  
(The Nyan Nyan spring up and ring bells)  
  
You gotta block?  
  
Well take my advice  
  
You better wise up, Miaka-chan!  
  
(After much chasing and slapping, the group -Hotohori, Nuriko, Miaka, Tamahome and Yui- all end up in the Creation Room, Nakago and Soi walk in calmly and watch from the side lines)  
  
NURIKO:  
  
The transducer wil-......(stops singing and looks off camera) Um....slight problem...  
  
DIRECTOR: NANI!?!?  
  
NURIKO: What's a "transducer"?  
  
DIRECTOR: (getting peeved) Do you people think this is easy? I couldn't even write a good song parody for this damn song and now you expect me to figure this out?? UG! Bring me the writers!  
  
(A group of five or six monkeys wearing beanies and all smoking cigarettes come in)  
  
DIRECTOR: Okay you guys, think of something or I'll send you back to the zoo.  
  
WRITOR MONKEY #1: (sits down to a type writer and types a bit, he rips off the page and hands it to Kireiga)  
  
DIRECTOR: (reading)..."Instead of using the medusa device, Nuriko flung his feces at..." (Stops reading and kicks the monkey) You are FIRED!!! I'm going to sell all of you cheap chimps to Procter and Gamble for lab testing if you don't think of something!  
  
(The monkeys get into a huddle, they do some typing and hand a new page to Kireiga)  
  
DIRECTOR: (reading) ..."We the writers feel that the most practical and believable solution, -not that any of this story makes sense- would be to instead of using the movie version, which requires the use of a Medusa device, we suggest the use of the play's rendition of this scene, which substitutes the Medusa Device for a drug sprayed at the victims. We the writers also feel that we are not getting paid enough, and no one seems to care that monkey's can type..." (Stops reading and crumbles up the paper) Good idea! (To a stage-hand) Chain the monkeys back up in their trailer, and give them each an extra banana...As for the rest of you, take five and we'll try this!  
  
(Five minutes later)  
  
NURIKO: (leaning against the wall talking to Nakago) So why don't you tell him how you feel?  
  
NAKAGO: (smoking a cigarette) Cause if I told Tamahome, then Tomo would find out that I'm not really straight and get all bitchy that I turned him down.  
  
NURIKO: Tomo's kinda hot tho'  
  
NAKAGO: I'm not into dressing up...  
  
NURIKO: Hm...what was his number again?  
  
DIRECTOR: AHEM!!! We're rolling here!  
  
(Nakago and Nuriko freeze)  
  
NAKAGO: O.o` ...  
  
NURIKO: Whoops...^.^`  
  
(TAKE THREE)  
  
NURIKO: (now with a large um...gun thing, which when fired gives the victim a healthy dose of kodoku which makes them all trippy) Okay let's get this over with!  
  
TAMAHOME: (singing)  
  
You're a sicko,  
  
But you'd better just let us go  
  
Nuriko  
  
(Nuriko shoots him with the drug-gun, Tama smiles and skips off)  
  
TAMAHOME: (drugged and in a sing-song cheer)  
  
O-K-A-N-E, that's how I spell super genki! (he passes out)  
  
YUI: (singing)  
  
You're a sicko  
  
but you're welcome to hurt that baka  
  
Miaka  
  
(Nuriko drug-guns her as well)  
  
YUI: (all druggy and sleepy, singing)  
  
One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, for my sleep...(passes out)  
  
MIAKA: (singing)  
  
You're a sicko  
  
(Nuriko sprays Miaka before she can finish, and Miaka giggles before falling asleep)  
  
NURIKO: Well that was fun...Suboshi-kun!  
  
(Amiboshi walks in)  
  
AMIBOSHI: Um Suboshi is still recovering from Lady Yui.  
  
NURIKO: I gotta get you two some name tags or something...anyway, please carry my guest to the stage and get them in costume!  
  
AMIBOSHI: I don't think this was in my contract...  
  
NURIKO: Just do it Flute-boy.  
  
(Amiboshi drags out Miaka, Tamahome and Yui)  
  
NURIKO: We'll need a fourth...hm...(sees Hotohori who's been hiding in a corner, trying not to be seen) Ah! (Sprays Hotohori)  
  
HOTOHORI: (drugged, and singing) I feel pretty, oh so pretty...(passes out and is carried out by Amiboshi)  
  
CHICHIRI: (Storming in) Chotto kudasai!  
  
NURIKO: Suzaku damn it, now what!?! I have a floorshow to plan!  
  
CHICHIRI: I can't stand anymore of this no da. First You spurn me for Tasuki-kun, and then you just ignore him for Hotohori-sama no da!  
  
NURIKO: You say that like it's a bad thing Chichiri-kun  
  
CHICHIRI: You chew people up and you spit them out  
  
NYAN NYAN: No he doesn't...Nuriko swallows  
  
NURIKO: (giggles) I like those kids...  
  
CHICHIRI: (still ranting) You're like a sponge! You take, take, take, and drain others of their love and emotions.  
  
NURIKO: I have deep rooted psychological problems, so back off monk-boy!  
  
CHICHIRI: Losing a sister does not constitute as a "deep rooted psychological problem" no da! I killed my best friend, but you don't see me dressing up as him!  
  
NURIKO: (gets fed up and blasts Chichiri with some kodoku)  
  
CHICHIRI: (drugged) Wow...no da...that's some wild shit no da Groovy...HEY my hair is blue no da!! Hehehehe! It matches my sockies no da! Hello feet no da! (Continues babbling)  
  
SOI: (to Nakago) I grow weary of this world...  
  
NAKAGO: Patience...  
  
SOI: When are we going to go back to Kotou?  
  
NAKAGO: Shhh...  
  
NURIKO: what are you too whispering about?  
  
NAKAGO: Nothing ...  
  
NURIKO: Oh well then, just to let you guys know, I'm indeed grateful to both you and you're sister Soi You'll find that when the mood takes me I can be quite generous.  
  
SOI: We ask for nothing  
  
NAKAGO: (mutters) except for the Shinzaho...  
  
SOI: Shhhsh...  
  
NURIKO: ... Anyway, when Hotohori-sama and I are married, you two must come to the wedding!  
  
NYAN NYAN: Nuriko-kun! What's on your chin?  
  
NURIKO: ...(looks to the director) do I have to say this line?  
  
DIRECTOR: Hai  
  
NURIKO: ~sigh~ Come, (the Nyan Nyan giggle) we are ready for the floorshow (exits)  
  
(Soi and Nakago look at each other)  
  
NAKAGO: Soon...  
  
SOI: yes soon, we'll be back to Kotou and summon out Seiryu  
  
NAKAGO: Actually I was going to say soon this damn fanfic will be over...  
  
SOI: Oh yeah, that too.  
  
NAKAGO:...  
  
SOI: ...We're all alone...  
  
NAKAGO: ...Yup...  
  
SOI: ...Um...wanna have sex?  
  
NAKAGO: (thinks about it)...uh...  
  
SOI: ...  
  
NAKAGO: (shrugs) I guess  
  
SOI: kay  
  
(Scene change: Taitsukun's palace again)  
  
TAITSUKUN: Well it looks like we're almost at the end of this story  
  
NYAN NYAN: YAY!  
  
TAITSUKUN: It's still not making any sense, but of course that is to be expected when your director is a teenage alcoholic and your writers are all chain-smoking monkeys. What of this floor show that Nuriko had spoken of? In an imperial palace?? In the middle of the night? With members of the Suzaku and Seiryu shichi? Was Nuriko so dense that he didn't realize that Yui was the Seiryu no Miko, and Nakago and Soi were enemies of Suzaku? Who really cares? It's nearly over, we've made it this far, just keep watching.  
  
(Scene Change: A large stage, with a lush red curtain. The music starts and Chichiri comes dancing out, clad in black thigh-high, a black garter belt with red sequins, and a black corset. He's carrying a black and red boa, and his face has been painted (Make-up done by Tomo-kun, thank you Tomo- kun))  
  
"FLOORSHOW"  
  
CHICHIRI: (singing)  
  
It was great what it all began  
  
I was a devoted religious fan  
  
But it was over when I heard this plan  
  
To start sleeping with a cross-dresser man  
  
Now the only thing that gives me joy no da  
  
Is my love of that bandit boy no da  
  
Suzaku tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain  
  
HOTOHORI: (dances out, dressed much like Chichiri, and sings)  
  
I'm just 18 years old  
  
And truly beautiful to behold  
  
And somebody should be told  
  
Nuriko's has me under control  
  
Now I've strangely come to trust  
  
This primal rush of lust  
  
Suzaku tints my world and keeps my safe from my trouble and pain.  
  
TAMAHOME: (dances out, dressed as previously stated, looking mighty uncomfortable in his six inch heels. He sings...)  
  
This is silly  
  
Give me...money!  
  
I'll do good  
  
You'll see  
  
Just take these shoes away!!  
  
What's this? (Does a twirl)  
  
Let's see... (Dances a bit)  
  
Hey this is...easy!  
  
Oh what's come over me?  
  
NYAN NYAN: NURIKO!  
  
TAMAHOME: (dance Riverdance style!)  
  
Whoo here I go again!!!!  
  
YUI: (strutting out, same as the others, and does her thang)  
  
Oooooh! I feel released!  
  
Bad times deceased!  
  
My confidence has increases  
  
Reality is here!  
  
The game has been disbanded  
  
My mind as been expanded  
  
It's a lie, and Nakago planned it  
  
His plot was so evil!  
  
(The curtain opens to reveal Nuriko in all his splendor, majestic and...well you get the idea. He's all decked out in black leather and sequins, and looking mighty fabulous I might add. The back drop is done up to resemble the tower from the Byakko kingdom)  
  
NURIKO:  
  
What ever happened...to Korin? (sp?)  
  
That delicate, little, preteen  
  
As she clung, by my side...  
  
Then one day she died...  
  
And I wanted to be dressed, just the same...  
  
(He kicks a small lever and some stairs fold down, Nuriko struts to the stage)  
  
Give yourself over to sexual pleasure  
  
Wear the clothes of the opposite gender...  
  
Erotica madness  
  
Beyond any measure  
  
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever  
  
Don't you just love it?  
  
Oooh ooh ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh (jumps in the pool)WEEEEEE!!!  
  
(The fog clears and Nuriko is floating in a life preserver)  
  
NYAN NYAN: lookie! Fruit loops!  
  
NURIKO: (sung while floating)  
  
Don't Dream it...Be it...(ect)  
  
(One by one the other dancers -hotohori, Chichiri, Yui, and Tamahome- all jump in the pool, and sing the ever repeating 'don't dream it be it', meanwhile Miaka is waking up backstage)  
  
MIAKA: (seeing the water orgy)  
  
We've got to get...  
  
NYAN NYAN: ...the fuck...  
  
MIAKA:  
  
Out of these shoes...  
  
Before this...perversion  
  
Ends without me!  
  
I've got to be strong...  
  
And try to hang on  
  
Or else my stomach  
  
May well...  
  
Rule  
  
And my life will be lived  
  
For the foooooooooooooooooooood (she stands and stumbles in her platform heels)  
  
(Spoken)... I wanna join them! (Trying to figure out how to get out of her shoes so she can run to the pool and join the fun, but darn those shoes, they're tied on pretty tight)  
  
NURIKO: (hops out of the water) MY MY MY MY MY MY MY MY, MY MY MY MY, Myyyyyy  
  
I'm a wild and an untamed thing  
  
I've slept with your former king  
  
You give me head and my mind goes "Schwing"  
  
My hearts pumps and my blood will sing  
  
So let the party and the love go on  
  
Let's shake it 'til the love is gone  
  
Suzaku tints my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain...  
  
(Hotohori, Yui, Tama, and Chichiri, get out of the pool and form and kick line. They sing the chorus, and do a little dance, Miaka struggles in the background still trying to get out of those damned shoes...)  
  
MIAKA: (spoken) Wai!! Wait for meeeeee (falls over again)  
  
GROUP: (singing)  
  
He's a wild and an untamed thing  
  
He's slept with our former king  
  
We give him head and his mind goes "Schwing"  
  
His hearts pumps and his blood will sing  
  
So let the party and the love go on  
  
Let's shake it 'til the love is gone  
  
Suzaku tints my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain...  
  
(Repeat, dance twirl and so on...)  
  
NAKAGO: (kicking open a door and stepping in with Soi, they are both wearing their Seiryu armour)  
  
Hotohori, it's all over  
  
This fanfic is a failure  
  
This plot line's to extreme  
  
I'm the new commander  
  
You now are my prisoner  
  
We're going to rule the world  
  
Prepare the final scene  
  
HOTOHORI: (spoken) Chotto!  
  
(Nakago and Soi look bored)  
  
HOTOHORI: I can explain...(he whispers something to Chichiri and Nuriko, they hurry off to adjust the lighting and lower a white curtain behind Hotohori)  
  
(Maika, Yui, Tama, Nuriko, and Chichiri, provide the background vocals)  
  
"I'M SO NOT GAY"  
  
HOTOHORI:  
  
On the day Nuriko came my way  
  
OTHERS:  
  
Oh my ay ay...  
  
HOTOHORI:  
  
Was all I had to say  
  
OTHERS:  
  
Now I ay ay ay...  
  
HOTOHORI:  
  
I want to rule again, and stay  
  
OTHERS:  
  
Oh my ay ay ay...  
  
HOTOHORI:  
  
Smile and that will mean I may...  
  
SOI: (yawns and looks generally uninterested, in anything except for Nakago's butt)  
  
HOTOHORI:  
  
Cause I've seen...  
  
This guy...(looks to Nuriko)  
  
Naked, between my thighs...(Nuriko giggles, and Hotohori shudders)  
  
And I realize...  
  
I'm so not gay  
  
NURIKO: (spoken) Damnit!  
  
(Hotohori sits on the edge of the stage)  
  
HOTOHORI:  
  
Everyday...it's been the same  
  
OTHERS:  
  
Feelin'...  
  
HOTOHORI:  
  
Worn out, bent and lame...  
  
OTHERS:  
  
Squealin'...  
  
HOTOHORI:  
  
In agony and pain  
  
OTHERS:  
  
Reason...  
  
HOTOHORI:  
  
From the whips and, from the chains!  
  
(Stands) and I've seen this guy,  
  
naked...between my thighs...  
  
(A tear falls down his cheek)  
  
And I realize, I'm so not gay...  
  
(Cries a bit more) I'm so not gay  
  
(Strikes a dramatic pose)  
  
I'm......so not......gay ay ay...  
  
(Everyone claps except for Nakago, Soi and Nuriko)  
  
Soi: (still quite bored) How informative...  
  
NURIKO: Hotohori-sama...does this mean the weddings off?  
  
HOTOHORI: (face faults) BAKA! Did you really think overthrowing me and raping me would make me want to marry you?!?  
  
NURIKO: ...Well...yeah.  
  
HOTOHORI: ...Well it's not going to happen. I'm beautiful, yes. I get confused for a girl, I like to look nice, and I spend an hour on my hair every morning, I even read fashion magazines, but I. AM. NOT. GAY!  
  
EVERYONE: shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure  
  
HOTOHORI: I'm NOT! .  
  
MAIKA: (finally got those damn shoes off, and has joined Tama and Yui) I can vouch for him...the man is certainly not gay!  
  
TAMAHOME: Miaka???!?!  
  
MIAKA: ^.^` eh heh  
  
TAMAHOME: What did you do?!?  
  
MIAKA: ...You should talk! I saw you with Nuriko!  
  
TAMAHOME: O.o...  
  
NAKAGO: (getting ticked off) This isn't about who's gay or not!  
  
NURIKO: Stay out of this we're busy! (To Miaka) Okay let's make a deal here, you can have Hotohori, and I'll take Tama-kins?  
  
TAMAHOME: I'm not gay!  
  
NURIKO: Oh Tama-kins don't lie to the poor girl. You were too good to be straight  
  
TAMAHOME: SHUT UP!  
  
HOTOHORI: Can we argue about his sexuality later please? I have a country to get back to ruling.  
  
NURIKO: Yeah yeah, Konan's yours again, no one cares, now Miaka what do you say? Have we got a deal?  
  
MIAKA: Well...  
  
TAMAHOME: Miaka! You're not seriously considering this are you? We promised each other we'd always be together...  
  
MIAKA: Yeah, well you seemed pretty "together" with Nuriko...¬.¬  
  
NURIKO: (giggles)  
  
NAKAGO: ... HEY!!!  
  
(Everyone shuts up)  
  
NAKAGO: I'M TAKING OVER KONAN IN CASE NO ONES NOTICED!!!  
  
HOTOHORI: As ruler of Konan I will not allow this to-  
  
NAKAGO: Enough talk! (Blasts Hotohori with his chi)  
  
(Hotohori, gets flung backwards and tears down the cloth backdrop, again revealing the tower backdrop. He dies...so sad)  
  
NURIKO: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! (Scurries to her dead emperor)  
  
(Miaka and Yui, scream and cling to Tamahome for protection)  
  
(Nuriko picks up the dead Hotohori and tries to climb the tower setting behind them, Nakago again releases a burst of his chi, Nuriko keeps climbing, it takes five shots to finally take out Nuriko The plastic tower set breaks, Nuriko and Hotohori fall into the pool, and make beautiful corpses.)  
  
SOI:...you've killed them...good for you! (Clings affectionately to Nakago)  
  
YUI: (to Tama and Miaka quietly) I think we should get out of here while it's still possible...  
  
(Miaka and Tamahome nod and the three of them sneak out)  
  
CHICHIRI: (looks around)...Welp...guess it's back to the monastery for me...(he leaves)  
  
SOI: well...it looks like we rule Konan now  
  
NAKAGO: "We"???  
  
SOI: (quickly) I mean you Nakago-kun, all yours ^.^  
  
NAKAGO: That's what I thought you said...  
  
SOI:...  
  
NAKAGO:...  
  
SOI: so...  
  
NAKAGO: Hm?  
  
SOI: um...wanna have sex?  
  
NAKAGO:...um...I guess so...  
  
SOI: ...kay  
  
(Scene Changes to Yui, Miaka and Tamahome exiting the building and running off)  
  
(Again the scene changes, this time to Taitsukun's palace)  
  
TAITSUKUN:  
  
And ruling in the Konan place  
  
An insect from the Hin tribe, race.  
  
This fanfic's lost in time  
  
And lost in space  
  
And meaning...  
  
(angelic chorus)  
  
Meaning...  
  
"CREDITS"  
  
SOI: (dressed again as an usherette, sings)  
  
Cross fan-fiction,  
  
Double feature,  
  
Nuriko isn't  
  
A good sex teacher  
  
Gay sex has conquered  
  
Tamahome.  
  
And Hotohori,  
  
said he's not gay.  
  
Wo, oh, oh, oh.  
  
At the late night  
  
Yu Watase,Picture show.  
  
I want to go,  
  
oh, oh, oh.  
  
To the late night,  
  
Yu Watase Picture Show.  
  
  
  
END  
  
  
  
`Kireiga heaved a gratefull sigh as she called "Cut, that's a wrap!" The crew and cast let out a cheer. Taitsukun, woke up the Nyan Nyan, who had fallen asleep halfway through the second act, and everyone started to pack up. Tasuki and Chichiri walked off bitching about how crappy their parts had been, and Tomo was chasing after Nakago insisting that Nakago was gay and therefore they should be together...Chiriko and Mitsukake were off in the break room wondering why they never got to be in any fanfics.  
  
"I noticed a whole bunch of mistakes tho'" said Chiriko, sipping his green tea. The older man nodded..."The plot was weak too, I was completely lost."  
  
"Indeed, I'm rather glad we weren't in this...Suzaku knows what they would have done to us..."  
  
Mitsukake leaned over to pet Tama-neko and sighed, "Well on the plus side, I doubt this fanfic will get MST-ed."  
  
"Yeah, good thing Kireiga didn't take any of this too seriously. This way it's easier to ignore the plot holes, characters being out-of-character, the inconsistency, and not to mention things that are totally out of place with the time era and location."  
  
Hotohori, walked up to the two, wiping make-up off his face with a towel, "Remind me never to do a fanfic for this girl again...I swear she's obsessed with gay men...Do you know she invited Nakago, Tomo, Tasuki, Chichiri, Nuriko and myself to a 'select cast party'?? Just us and her and a video camera..."  
  
A smiling Kireiga snaked an arm around Hotohori's waist, "It's the least you could do for me, I did let you sleep with Miaka after all."  
  
"Yeah, but she really wasn't that great."  
  
The others chuckled a bit.  
  
"But cheer up Hotohori-kun, I was thinking about doing a Shock Treatment-FY crossover to follow this up…"  
  
A look of dread washed over the bishonen actor, as the girl giggled, "… and I'm sure I can squeeze some hot men on men action in for you…"  
  
Hotohori just cried.  
  
  
  
THE END!!!!!!!  
  
Really...the end......no more...post a nice review....or yell at me I no care...You cannot hurt me!! MWAHAHAA!!  
  
  
  
...please wuv me ;.; ::sniffles:: 


End file.
